Let’s talk about relationships. You meet someone and are excited about the new prospect, but things soon turn sour. You might not have realized that relationships are high maintenance and are used to thinking only about yourself. Right? But having people in our lives comes with responsibilities, feelings, emotions, and added financial obligations.
So, I had an aha moment in an Instagram live chat on the topic of relationships! I spontaneously came up with the answer to what makes relationships work. And guess what? It's SEX!
The concept of SEX is a framework of three simple words with a powerful effect: Space, Empathy, and X-factor. The first two are relatively conceivable, but what do I mean by X-factor? That is a more complicated grasp. All three together seek to promote healthy, balanced and long-lasting relationships. So, allow me to break it down for you.
Given my failed relationships, I reflected on the missing links in them. I considered that no relationship could survive without space, empathy, and the x-factor.
Most relationships typically require the same basic things: love, companionship, financial support and lovemaking. However, within this seeming shortlist are hidden gems you might not have thought of before, or at least not in the concept of SEX.
Here we go.
Space
In any relationship, people need space. Freedom to be alone, think, explore their goals, and hang out with their own friends. I am not talking about the time spent at work. While too much work time can ruin a relationship, too little personal space can do the same. Respectfully allow your partner a break. No one can be everything to another person. Even children need a village. Spending reasonable time apart from each other is the best remedy to refuel the passion. Just be open and transparent about what you are up to so your partner don't have to get overly concerned or anxious about your absence.
Empathy
People have to learn to lean into compassion and give and take. By leaning into compassion, you and your partner can quickly identify surfacing conflict and connect more profoundly. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in your partner's shoes, emotionally speaking, and sympathize with their struggles rather than criticize or patronize them. We can never underestimate the power of empathy in our relationships.
X-Factor
Your x-factor is your genius. It is that thing that works for your relationships. It doesn't matter what's happening in the Jones' house or what the latest relationship guru says. Uncover what works for your relationship and do that. It could be as simple as figuring out and applying each other's love language. We should never say 50/50, 70/30 or 80/20—and set it in stone. 50/50 might work this year, but maybe next year, you will have to go 80/20 based on a change in circumstance. You have to figure out what balances out your relationship and be willing to compromise. That is the glue that bonds relationships. Our relationships inevitably sever when we cannot figure out what works for us.
That said, "Don't let your circumstances control your calling" (Gregory 141); control your circumstances. Believe in yourself, your partner and your relationship: work for it, fight for it, pray for it and live for it. You need to be on the same page at the same time moving in the same direction.
In sum, no relationship is sustainable without SEX: Space, Empathy and X-factor. And while I wrote this post with conjugal relationships in mind, it applies to all relationships—parental, personal and professional. So let's embrace the SEX.
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