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What is Your Love Language?

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 What is Your Love Language?



Have you heard of the five love languages before? In the 1990s, a marriage counsellor named Gary Chapman authored a book that postulated that every person has a primary way of communicating how and when they feel most loved. The book is titled The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Here is a snippet of his five love languages.


1. Physical Touch

This includes hugging and kissing but is not limited to romantic relationships. For Chapman, some people (including babies and children) “feel love with hand holding, putting your arms around one another,” or a pat. If you feel most loved, physical touch is your love language.


2. Quality Time

This one is about giving your focused and intentional attention to interact with your partner (or loved ones) to build and strengthen your relationships. For Chapman, this means mushy times like discussing ideas or contemplating and exploring the world together. If you regularly crave attentive time with your partner to feel most loved, quality time may be your love language.


3. Words of Affirmation

This is about reassuring your partner. Giving compliments is a quick and easy way to show love. But it may not be your love language. If you require frequent affirmation to feel most loved, words of affirmation may be your love language.


4. Acts of Service

These are expressed by doing things to show your love and deep connection. This involves doing things that feel considerate and thoughtful—things that can quickly go unnoticed—like going out of our way or above and beyond to make someone’s life easier and less stressful—not because they have to, but because they want to. If you feel most loved when you or your others are helpful or cooperative, Acts of Service may be your love language.


5. Receiving Gifts

According to Chapman, the gift itself does not matter—it could be expensive diamonds, extravagant trips, or small, inexpensive items. The idea is that the gift is a thoughtful representation of their love and appreciation. If receiving or giving gifts is how you feel most loved, this could be your love language.


However, these are not the end all—be all. Chapman will be the first to admit that they are merely a framework to explore how we prefer to give and receive love. 


That said, in 2022, Truity, a company that offers online personality quizzes, released its version of seven love languages after surveying over 500,000 people. Here is how they break down it down: 


  1. Activity - you feel valued when your partner takes an interest in your hobbies and activities. 
  2. Appreciation - you feel loved when your partner explicitly says what they like and admire about you.
  3. Emotional - you feel loved when your partner empathizes with you and supports you through fraught and frightening emotions.
  4. Financial - you feel loved when your partner generously shares their resources with you and pampers you and vice-versa. For you, spending money to make others happy and content equates to love. 
  5. Intellectual - you feel loved when your partner values their intelligence, respects your opinion and engages in thoughtful discussion about important issues.
  6. Physical - you feel loved when they receive physical affection—hugs, holding hands, cuddles and snuggles—it means they’re attracted to you when they initiate loving touches.
  7. Practical - you feel loved and cared for when your partners chip in with everyday chores and responsibilities, or setting the bath for yor or brings you a cup of tea.


Truity’s apparently aligned their New Love Languages with today’s modern relationships. Especially the *emotional* and *intellectual* ones.


The rest pretty much parallels Chapman’s five:

 

  1. Gifting is Financial 🎁💐💰
  2. Time is Activity ⏰💯🤯
  3. Affirmation is Appreciation 💬 👏🏽
  4. Touching is Physical 😘🤗🫂
  5. Service is Practical ⚙️💪🏾🧹



While all of these can make us feel loved and cared for, the idea is the one that speaks the most to your heart is your love language. Basically, I could reduce it to three or four simplier characteristics: being kind, affectionate, helpful and communicative.


Take The 5 Love Languages® Quiz. Learn your love language and get equipped to build your true, lasting love. It is free, easy and insightful. 


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