Rising With Resilience in 2023

Did you know that resiliency is the glue that holds us together and keeps us from falling apart when we experience difficulties?

What Is Resilience?

Resilience is the barometer for how well and how quickly people rebound from challenging situations such as oppression, trauma, stigma, catastrophe, adversity, setbacks or undue difficulties. Some people call it bouncing back from the harrowing experiences of life. We all have the capacity for resilience, whether we know it or not, and most of us experience it to a varying degree.

Resilience is like the elasticity in a rubber band. We only know that we can bounce back when we have been stretched. Similarly, like an elastic band, if not occasionally stretched, we become ineffectual—dried out and brittle. However, if excessively put to the test, we become snappy or flaccid, often to our detriment. 

The more stress or adversity a person experiences, the more likely they are to withstand challenges because they have developed those muscles. Just as we must exercise our physical muscles to stay healthy and strong, so we must exercise our emotional muscles—hence, they are said to be resilient or adaptable. That does not mean we should subject ourselves or others to undue stress or unnecessary adversities. That is cruel and disingenuous. That said, resilience is mental and emotional flexibility.

Why Resilience People Are Often Misunderstood

Sometimes, some people have a hard time dealing with super-resilient people. Not because resilient people are inflexible or difficult to deal with, but because those people need to gain the skills or insight to deal with them. Perhaps, they have never been stretched so they may mistake resilience for hardness or coldness. Resilient people have been through many ups and downs in life or career; as a result, they can recognize most people's shenanigans and have a low tolerance for them. They also can return to their original state faster than most people after being stretched, pulled, dragged or pressed. 

There is a common misconception that being resilient is a flaw or a sign that someone is hard, or unworthy of love and compassion—nothing could be further from the truth. We are all worthy of nurture by virtue of our humanity regardless of race, skin colour, creed or personality. So when someone says they do not want to be resilient, it is paradoxical to me, because who does not wish to bounce back from tough situations, except the suicidal? 

The challenge To Be Resilient

The challenge to be resilient shows up in all of life's situations: the death of a loved one, sickness and disease, systemic oppression, financial crises, losing a job, break ups, the list is endless. We cannot fall apart because things fall apart—we have to be strong.

We can only know how resilient we are when we experience challenging times and live to tell tales. To borrow from Eleanor Roosevelt, people are like tea bags. “You never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.”

Factors Contributing To Resilience

Contrary to popular belief, the main factor contributing to resilience is mindset—the will to survive and the determination to thrive—not just relationships. While having supportive relationships can contribute to resilience, many resilient people have little or no support. They simply have the will and the courage to pull themselves back together. They rely on something much bigger and unseen to help them. That said, resilience is a spiritual manifestation.

Many resilient people rely on prayer, meditation, and solitude to stay grounded and hopeful. They look for ways to improve their lives and keep things in perspective. The most effective tools I have used are journalling, reading self-help books and the Bible. Other effective strategies are singing, exercising or dancing, and of course, rest.

In Sum

Resiliency is essentially about cultivating our capacity to remain flexible, confident and balanced in our thinking. It is truly about letting ourselves experience life to its fullest. Sure, it sucks having to search for the will to survive all the time, and it would certainly be nice to experience life with less hassle, but we live in a highly spirited world with some brutal people who willfully refuse to regard everyone as equal. So, I hear you loud and clear when you say you don't want to be resilient (or strong). However, resilience is not the issue. The issue is evil and systemic oppression. Until humans become a little kinder, our job is to push back the lies and bounce back from the harrows of life. We cannot afford to give away our strength and the will to beat the odds. We must rise with resilience. We can do so more readily by spending time with God and in community the others. Never, ever give up!