How To Be Great At Being You

As humans, we wear so many different hats or masks that it is hard to distinguish which one we are operating from at times.  I am not talking about the roles we play so much as the personalities we play.  The thing with switching hats sometimes is that they often masquerade or show up as somebody else or multiple characters.  "Who are you?", "Who was that?",  or "I don’t even know that person anymore" are often some of the phrases we hear or use of people we thought we once knew.

Let’s look at some of the various hats (or masks) we often wear:

·         The Success Enthusiast/Perfectionist – In this hat/mask, we show up as Mr./Mrs. Do Gooder.  We meet and exceed everyone’s expectations of who we are supposed to be. We are high performers and ladder climbers who drive ourselves frantic to the point of depression and/or burnout.  We become very critical and judgmental of others as they fall short of our expectations of them.  This is often a ploy to cover up our own inadequacies.

·         The Conformist – beneath this mask/hat, we love to take directions and follow orders.  We believe in the structure of the status quo and love the support of the group. We strive to “fit in” as we lose sight of our own interests.  The social circle means everything to us.  Basically, we are the pleasers of society—the well-behaved ones. We may also have a monkey see—monkey do mentality and prefer hearsay over facts or truths.

·         The Diplomat – Like the conformist, we struggle to bottle our own feelings and strive to keep everyone happy but ourselves. We seek the praises of others and are often known as the Miss/Mr. Congeniality of the group.  Even though deep down inside, we feel unloved and unappreciated.  People wearing this hat/mask often show up in the guise of “Tact”.  But according to the dictionary, it means: Being an exact copy of the original.  We are great actors/actresses.

·         The Woe Is Me – In this hat, they see themselves as unworthy of love and attention.  They take sympathy for themselves and expect everyone to drop everything and run to “poor me”.  They are often takers and not givers.  The classic drama queen.   They often twist other people’s words to create little pity parties for themselves. They deflect and manipulate your words in a dire attempt to get others on their side or to win an argument.

·         The Aggressor – In this hat, we tend to show a lot of hostility. We are very insecure and cowardly deep down inside.  This hat is the hat of the bullies and tyrants who intimidate, harass, attack and instigate conflicts.  We tend to show off and exert our powers.  We suffer from an inferiority complex.  Though on the face of it, we may think of ourselves, as superior to others. In this hat, we are great at playing the good cop/bad guy scenario.  We are often confused to be the proverbial yellers and/or stompers – but ironically, we are often the “calm” ones who seem in control.  Underneath these masks are often hidden sociopaths.

·         The Bragger – In this hat, we tend to show up as a “know it all”.  We often lack healthy self-esteem; as a result, we are constantly reminding others of how good we are.  The bragger likes to take credit for everything. They have very little to contribute if it does not involve them talking about themselves and their accomplishments.  They often mistake praise and or appreciation for love and acceptance.

·         The Quitter – In this hat, we often show up as defeatists.  We have very low self-esteem. This low self-mentality leads us to give up easily.  We also tend to find faults and/or excuses for or with everything.  We frequently underestimate ourselves and are often in denial—the two main reasons for giving up so easily.  We do not see how we often contribute to our own problems. Quitters are often bitter because of their many failures and refuse to take responsibility for their own actions. This leads to repetition of the same mistakes; which in part is due to their pompous refusal to seek help.

These are all patterns of behaviours and not who we are—viruses or bugs, if you will—they cause us to wear two or multiple faces and are certainly not who we really are.  Over time, these viruses wreak havoc on our true personality. They must be radically flushed out and protected against; before they completely damage who we are. These behaviours are the telltale signs that we are not being true to ourselves or others for that matter. So, let’s look at some ways to be great at being the best you can possibly be.  Mind you, to be great at being you is certainly no easy feat; though it should be the easiest thing in the world to do.  First, we must want to be the best version of ourselves in order to become it.  Just as none of those bad habits above happened overnight, this will not happen overnight either.  Not only must we want to be GREAT at being ourselves, but we must see it as achievable and possible.  We must also commit to making it happen by being SMART and ecological about it.

With that said, here are the top three criteria to consider to start being great at being you! 

Authenticity

To be authentic, we MUST be truthful, not only to ourselves but to others as well, about who we really are. We are not allowed to hide behind anything: not clothes, status, money or possessions. We have to be real.   No fraud or fake allowed.  We must show our TRUE attributes and intentions.  No “wolves in sheep's clothing”—Just the REAL you. So how do we do this? You may ask.

First, you must ask yourself the real hard question, Who Am I? Then you must go on a quest to find out.  Really examine yourself and search your soul for the answers. To find some untold truths about you, You may start by investigating the meaning of your name, your astrology, your family history and background, and your childhood preferences.  These could uncover a lot of the mysteries about who you really are and why you behave the way you do.  You will find they are not coincident but rather your destiny.  They will definitely give you some clues to help you identify your actions and the choices you have made.

Just let me say this, your past is not somewhere for you to dwell.  It is just a means to an end. You visit it, pick up what you want and leave.  You go there in order to get a better understanding of where you are heading.  As the old adage goes, "Look back to where you have been, for a clue to where you are going".  Or you may be more familiar with, “You can't know where you are going until you know where you have been.”  So here you go, to thine own self be true!

Non-Conformist 

Strive to devoid your mind of other people’s perceptions of who you are.  Strive to live by your own standards and beliefs.  You don’t have to be like anyone or any group of people.  Nor do you have to live your life by other people’s standards or expectations.  And you certainly don’t need to follow the status quo—it’s boring anyway. And please don't get me wrong here; I do recognize and respect the laws and regulations of governing bodies.  These are not areas of negotiation.

With that said, what others think of you is pointless in your quest to becoming who you truly are.  Their idea or version of you—good or bad—is just extra baggage. Junk in your trunk, if you will.  They hoard and clutter your own perception of yourself.  Do the things you enjoy and stand up for what you believe in.  That's what's important.

Go ahead and give yourself permission to clean house.  It’s garbage day!  Take out all the junk and start seeing yourself for the beauty of who you really are.  Start accepting yourself, flaws and all.  Acknowledge that though you were perfectly created, and a one-of-a-kind masterpiece, you are not error-proof.  Remind yourself that you are not perfect; but a work in progress.

Now that we have finished our house cleaning, it’s time to relax and breathe.  Sit back and immerse yourself in the beauty and ambiance of you.  No more worrying about what others think of you.  This is you, and you are exactly who you are supposed to be. Free from the conformity and the status quo of others.  Free to live! Free to be yourself. Forgive yourself and treat yourself kindly from this day forward.

Self-Actualization 

Now that you are done with all your house cleaning and admiring your new, spectacular and amazing empty space and all its potential, it is time to take stock of all your inventories: your goals, your values, your dreams and aspirations, and all your success and achievements to date.  It does not matter how simple you may think those achievements are; simple or small works sometimes.  They are yours; they have value. Appreciate them for what they are worth.

Now it’s time to decorate your soul just the way you want it.  Forget about what mom or pap wants, or what your friends think you should put in there.  This is all about YOUR space.  This is your opportunity to create the space you've always wanted but were afraid to or thought you did not have permission to. 

As you begin to create your own personalized blueprint for your life, everything will start to fall into place.  You will be able to prioritize your goals in line with your own value system and beliefs.  Now that you are in charge of your own destiny, you will be able to replace old values with new ones as you begin to see more clearly—now that all the dust and clutter are gone. 

Also, once you begin to start trusting your own values, you will begin to start relying on them to guide you and be able to make them your own guiding principles.  Don’t be afraid to experiment to find out what you really like and explore them.  As well, learning to rely on yourself will give you a sense of worth.  Having a sense of worth is pivotal to being the best you, you can be.  It will give you the strength and the courage to be you—the you that you were created to be.

 

In this process, you will compare yourself to no one—that’s suicide.  Just be vigilant about your own strength and follow your own sense of style (clothes, talk, walk, pose, poise and laugh) and direction.  Also, develop yourself professionally.  Learn new things and travel—Yes! Travel!  Travel helps broaden your horizon and gives you a fresh perspective and a better understanding of mankind and their different culture and lifestyles.  

And above all, learn to communicate well.  This is the essence of who you are.  Express yourself assertively.  Be Bold!  This shows oomph and confidence.  The better you can express yourself, the better it is for you and everyone else—this will either send them packing or draw them closer—either way, half your battle is won.

In conclusion, there is nothing more powerful and enlightening than discovering who you really are and truly embracing that.  Being authentically you is not easy by any means.  You have to be strong—a nonconformist—to actually come to the full realization of who you are.  Being true to yourself can seem very lonely at times.  So if you are afraid of your own company or cannot find pleasure in being alone, this will be quite a challenge.  Being great at being you take sacrifices and a lot of not “fitting in”.  However, if you truly want to be you, you must trust in the process, be grateful for your life and your history (lessons learnt) to this point, and ask God for His continual blessings as you move onward, and forward.  Don’t get stuck between who you are, who you want to be, and who you should be…Just be you!  You will be great!

Until next time, this is AgieStrong,

Be Blessed…Be BOLD…Be Strong…Be YOU!!
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