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Putting Yourself First, taken from Oprah's Lifeclass

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Oprah sitting on a hostess chair

Why is it so hard for many of us to put ourselves first? Maybe we were taught or somehow believe the "good" woman sacrifices herself for her family, her friends, her work and her community. We are often raised to be the burden bearer, the worrier and the warrior. With this mindset, many of us grow up resentful and hating ourselves for taking on such a "martyrdom" mentality.

While the intention behind it wasn't necessarily a bad one or came from the wrong place, it often leads women down a slippery slope since women are more likely than men to be the primary caretakers of their husbands, children and, later, aging parents. The idea was to prepare or give us ample opportunity to practice the imminent role of service and self-sacrifice. A  judicious and noble ideal. However, "If you always put someone else first, there's a tendency for others to depreciate you, to lose respect [for you], because respect [comes] from an understanding that a person has her own wishes, dreams, and desires," says Ethel S. Person, MD, author of Feeling Strong: The Achievement of Authentic Power.

That said, here are lessons we should put ourselves first according to Oprah's Lifeclass and guest teacher: 

Self-awareness is key:

One class emphasizes the importance of knowing yourself, your values, and your priorities to make informed decisions about putting yourself first. Dedicate time for self-reflection regularly. Journaling, meditation, or simply quiet moments can help you understand your values, desires, and areas for personal growth.

Set boundaries:

Learning to say no and establishing boundaries is crucial for maintaining a healthy balance in your life. Make an effort to clearly communicate your limits to others. Practise saying no when necessary, and prioritize tasks based on their alignment with your goals and well-being.

Self-care is not selfish:

Oprah advocates for the idea that taking care of yourself is not selfish but necessary for overall well-being. Prioritize self-care without guilt. Schedule regular self-care activities such as exercise, relaxation, or hobbies. Treat self-care as non-negotiable, just like any other important commitment in your life.

Surround yourself with kindness:

Choose relationships and environments that uplift and support you. When possible, eliminate hurtful or unpleasant influences that hinder your personal growth. Evaluate your relationships and environments by seeking out supportive communities and cultivating relationships that uplift you. Spend quality time with supportive people while minimizing time spent with people who are unduly critical and create stress or tension for you. 

Forgiveness is liberating:

Another class teaches the power of forgiveness, emphasizing that letting go of resentment and grudges can free you from emotional burdens. Practice forgiveness as a personal growth exercise. Understand that forgiving doesn't condone actions but releases you from carrying the emotional baggage. Consider therapy or counselling for additional support if you are unable to do so on your own.

Invest in personal growth:

Lifelong learning and personal development are essential components of putting yourself first. Prioritize activities that contribute to your growth and fulfillment. Set aside time and resources for continuous learning. Attend workshops, read books, or take courses that align with your interests and contribute to your personal and professional development.

Trust your instincts:

Some classes encourage trusting your intuition and following your inner guidance. Pay attention to your gut feelings and intuition and make decisions that align with your authentic self. When faced with decisions, take a moment to check in with yourself. Does it align with your values and goals? Trusting your instincts leads to more authentic choices that align with your true self. This doesn't mean you don't seek out wiser and more experienced advice. It simply means the final decision should be your own.


In sum, while it is hard for many of us to do for ourselves before we do for others, "It's possible to have equal concerns for yourself and for loved ones" (Person). As gleaned from Oprah's Lifeclass, putting yourself first involves cultivating self-awareness through regular reflection, setting clear boundaries to prioritize your well-being, embracing self-care without guilt, surrounding yourself with positivity and supportive relationships, practicing forgiveness for personal liberation, actively investing in ongoing personal growth, and trusting your instincts to make decisions aligned with your authentic self. These principles collectively form a holistic approach to prioritizing your needs and fostering a healthier and more fulfilling life. There is no need for conflicting priorities.

***


Ref: Oprah dot com / oprahs-lifeclass / why-its-okay-to-put-yourself-first-inspiration

Edited Dec1, 2023
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