The Three Culprits of Stress and How They Affect Our Lives

What is stress?

Stress is like water, we all need it to feel alive, but too much of it at one time can cause infallible damage to our health. With that being said, stress in and of itself is neither good nor bad—it is a symptom or byproduct of one's feelings or thoughts of inability to do something that is important, or in anticipation of something great to come.

Stress is a state of emotional chaos.  It can and will manifest (or show up) in our bodies as aches and pains and even severe or chronic diseases if the root cause is not dealt with swiftly and appropriately
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Stress will mask itself as anxiety, fear or even depression.  It will show up as BO (body odour), cavity, gingivitis or IBS (irritable bowel syndrome.)  It will manifest as weight gain, obesity, or eating disorder; even thinning hair or weight loss.  It will continue to manifest itself into our lives in any size, shape or form to let us know that we need to deal with whatever it is we’ve swept under the rug, reduce the pressure or let go of the dead weight.

Frog says: What is joke to you is death to me. —Jamaican Proverb

Everyone does not have the same threshold of tolerance for stress.  Therefore, stress can be defined as when the burden of a situation outweighs one’s ability to cope. So you see, our thoughts or reactions to certain situations can swing the pendulum in any direction. You can either get too excited and crazy or too depressed and immobilized by any given situation. And the same is true; that what may be cause for excitement for one person could have adverse effect on another. Meaning, no two people are exactly alike or will respond to situation in the same way; and not all stressful situations are negative.

For example, the birth of a child, getting married, buying your first/new home or car, getting a promotion or a raise, moving to a new city or place, going on vacation or even Christmas and birthday celebrations can all be deemed stressful events but are positive in nature and non-threatening for the most part.  What make most situations feel or become adversely stressful is because oftentimes we are not fully prepared or equipped to deal with them.

What causes stress?

Imagine an elastic band….  It is designed to be strong and flexible at the same time.  Its sole purpose is to stretch to fit and hold things nicely together.  Some are bigger than some.  Some are thinner, thicker, longer and wider than some; but they were all made for the same purpose despite their colour and their strength—keeping things together. That’s it!  But you wouldn’t give an elastic band more than it can bear, would you? And what would happen if you did?  It would pop and sting you the very moment you over extend it, wouldn’t it?

On the other hand, some are a little stronger and can withstand the test of time.  But overtime, if stretched passed its capacity, it will eventually start to deteriorate, wear out and pop.

This is what happens to our minds, bodies and soul when we abuse and overextend it. 

Stressors

Here are some minor stressors that we often take for granted and cause an over-extension of ourselves that result in breakdown overtime:

• Neglecting your diet
• Neglecting exercise/physical activities
• Neglecting your rest and relaxation
• Disconnection/isolation from supportive relationships
• Feeling/believing that there is no one there for you
• Abusing drugs/alcohol
• Overindulging in any one activity
• Ignoring the signs and symptoms of stress
• Failing to set appropriate goals and objective
• “My way or no way” attitude
•  Rushing/practicing busyness
• Constant complaining/Blaming/Failing to look at the brighter side of things
• FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out/Being Alone
•  Doing everything yourself – not asking for help
• Always looking to others to make things happen for you
• Failing to see the humour in any given situation
• Constantly comparing and competing

Mind you, we are all guilty of all of these to varying degrees.  It is our ability to recognize them, see ourselves in action and stop while we are ahead that makes the difference.

Major stressors with more negative association are considered to be life events where we experience loss and the everyday human hassle that shoots fire through our veins and drives us temporarily insane; such as being stuck in traffic, deadlines and dealing with conflicts.  How we cope with major stressors will depend on our attitude towards life and whether or not we practice daily upkeep and/or avoidance of the minor stressors above.

Three culprits to watch for:

More than any other, these in my opinion, are the three biggest stress offenders that sneak up on us and rob us of our joy, happiness and well-being.

Indecisiveness: 

Not making a decision is a decision in itself.

And one that comes with a hefty price tag.  If you are experiencing trouble making up your mind, there are things you can do to help you along. Ask for time to think about what it is you really want.  Try to be proactive and think ahead of time. Brainstorm (by yourself or with your support group) and then narrow it down to the best option for you.  You should never let the words, “I DON’T KNOW.” Come out of your mouth.  Take time to think and ask yourself these questions: 

1. What do I really want?
2. What if I knew...what would I choose?  
3. Which would I rather have? 

There, that’s a start.  Half the time when we are experiencing difficulty making up our minds it not because we don’t know; but more because we are reluctant to say.  Maybe it's because we are feeling shy or embarrassed of what we want, maybe the fear of being told no or of what we think others might think of us. Worst-case scenario is that we haven’t taken the time to figure out who we really are: our likes and dislikes. So do us all a favour and get over your inhibitions, get to know yourself and be bold.

Avoidance/Procrastination: 

Nothing is more fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. – Williams James

Get it over with already.  I know it is easier said than done, but if you want success you are going to have to change your habits.  Procrastination is the thief of joy, the thief of time and the thief of your success.  Procrastination sets you back in life and set you up for failure in your career and finances. There are plenty of systems and strategies that were designed to help you manage your time, schedule your tasks, de-clutter your mind and get things done.  Find them and implement one of them.  That’s all it takes, really.  Failing that, get an accountability partner that will kick your ass.  If you want good, your nose has to run.  Contrary to popular beliefs, we don’t do our best work under pressure—that’s a lie and an excuse we tell ourselves to avoid getting out of bad habits. The truth is, you are disorganized and tardy. Ouch! That hurts doesn’t it.  The truth always does—now get over it and go do what you need to do!

Perfectionism:  

Free your hands, free your mind, free your time, let it go and grow!

Are you suffering form the FEAR OF LETTING GO?  Are you too self absorb or egotistical? What this means, you are either full of yourself or do not have enough self-esteem.  Ego in itself is good, if controlled.  It is when it is uncontrolled and raw that it presents a problem.  It causes you to think, feel and believe that you are better than everyone else: you think you know it all, you can do it better, you can do it faster.  This type of behaviour cause people major stress.  You become tired, burnt out and worn out; yet you refuse to delegate task in fear that someone will mess up.  You are slowing your own progress and simply become a ticking time bomb, waiting to blow up at any given moment. Maybe you do not know how to ask for help properly, so you simply refuse to ask.  It boils your blood to watch someone do it differently from the way you do it—they are moving so slow...arghh! Wait! Have you heard this quote before?

Don't tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their ingenuity. —George S. Patton Jr

But worst yet, you refuse to pass the baton and avoid facilitating the development of others.  Shift your focus to the bigger picture.  Share the load and help yourself and others grow. Perfectionism is your biggest pain. Let it go, delegate and relieve the pressure and reduce your stress.

Remember, stress is a normal reaction to any kind of unusual demands on the body: mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually.  To keep unwanted stress at bay watch out for those three culprits above and lean how to cope with stress when you are confronted with it.  Check out the next post:  Four Fail-proof Ways To Cope With Stress In Today's Society

See you soon,

- Aggiestrong
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Andrene Gregory is a life coach with certification in LifeSkills training and Personality Dimensions. She helps empower adults to live a strength-based life, regain their confidence and find the courage to get through life's challenging situations. Her unique approach to getting desired results includes personality assessment, self-knowledge, goal setting, and action planning.

Andrene provides one-on-one coaching and group workshops. Find out more at www.aggiestrongulc.com.